


He Want That Cake

by entirely_too_tall



Series: Chowderweek 2017 [7]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: but he wants to use the kitchen, chowderweek, it only kinda works, only texting, so they distract him, they're trying to bake him a cake in secret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-15
Updated: 2017-10-15
Packaged: 2019-01-17 16:50:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12369942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/entirely_too_tall/pseuds/entirely_too_tall
Summary: Dex and Bitty are trying to bake a cake for Chowder, but he just insists on hanging around the kitchen. Desperate plans are enacted and alluded to.





	He Want That Cake

**Author's Note:**

> Written for ChowderWeek 2017 Day 7: Birthday
> 
> This is all written in text messaging from Dex's phone. Hopefully it's clear enough from the alignment who Dex is talking to at any one time.
> 
> Title is inappropriately taken from Rihanna's song Birthday Cake.
> 
> Check Please and its characters belong to Ngozi, I am only expanding upon it for our collective non-commercial pleasure.

**Chris Chow 2:44pm**

Hey Dex! Are you free today after class? I need a favor

Can you drive me to RRY? I wanna get something 

 

**Me 2:58pm**

Let me check?

I think Bitty wanted me to help him in the kitchen

 

**Chris Chow 3:01pm**

No problem! 

Let me know!!

Also I wanna use the kitchen too

If you could ask when he’s gonna be done with it, that’ll be great! Thanks!

 

**Me 3:03pm**

Bitty! Chowder asked me to drive him to RRY after class

Said he wanted to get something and needs to use the kitchen?

What do we do?!?

 

**Eric Bittle 3:35pm**

!!! [shocked emoji] [shocked emoji] [shocked emoji] 

I have to use it when we planned, no other time works!

 

**Me 3:42pm**

Do you think you can get someone else to help you?

 

**Eric Bittle 3:43pm**

You’re the only one who’s good enough

I’ve been training you for times like this

 

**Me 3:44pm**

I knew it!

 

**Eric Bittle 3:44pm**

Can somebody else drive him?

Get Nursey?

 

**Me 3:45pm**

You want Nursey.

To drive MY car.

 

**Eric Bittle 3:47pm**

Lord what was I thinking

That is a disaster waiting to happen

 

**Chris Chow 3:47pm**

Just to let you know Alex from AAA offered to drive me

Ze was gonna head there too, so no worries!

 

**Me 3:48pm**

He got a ride from his friend Alex

So I don’t need to drive him and can help you

 

**Eric Bittle 3:48pm**

But he still needs the kitchen? 

We need him out of the kitchen!

At least until 8!

 

**Me 3:51pm**

We need something to distract him until then, can we still deploy Plan Original?

 

**Eric Bittle 3:53pm**

Did he mention what he was going to need the kitchen for?

Can we get him to use the SWV kitchen instead?

 

**Me 3:56pm**

Ok, thanks for the update

Bitty is asking what you’re using the kitchen for

He needs it till like 8 maybe

Big thesis project and everything

 

**Chris Chow 4:12pm**

He does? I didn’t know he had a thesis project already

Last I know he was making jam to procrastinate choosing a topic

 

**Me 4:15pm**

Oh, that. He’s trying out recipes and then deciding

Why I’m needed to help

To go through the recipes and make the batches

 

**Me 4:16pm**

I just lied for you 

I told Chowder that we’re choosing recipes for your senior thesis

 

**Eric Bittle 4:17pm**

[angry emoji] [angry emoji] [angry emoji] [angry emoji]

You did not! 

Now I have to actually do work!

 

**Me 4:19pm**

You know, you have to do this eventually anyway

 

**Eric Bittle 4:20pm**

But not at this critical timing! [angry emoji] [angry emoji]

 

**Chris Chow 4:21pm**

Wow, I’m so excited for that!! I hope I get to try some when I get back!

 

**Me 4:22pm**

He wants to try some of your new recipes

 

**Eric Bittle 4:22pm**

I have been made an accomplice of your falsehoods and I will make you suffer for this William

 

**Me 4:23pm**

We’ll tell him it all failed and burnt and we fed them to the geese

No evidence and no one will dare check

 

**Me 4:24pm**

I hope they’ll be good enough too!

 

**Eric Bittle 4:25pm**

Wow

You’re much better at lying than I thought

And here I thought you couldn’t keep a poker face to save your life

 

**Me 4:25pm**

Hey! I can lie

Only over text… but I can!

 

**Eric Bittle 4:34pm**

William Joseph Pointdexter you are going to make a liar out of me!!!!!

My sweet sunshine Chowder just asked to help me out with my ‘new recipes’! 

 

**Me 4:42pm**

I still say we should deploy Plan Original

 

**Eric Bittle 4:45pm**

Fine

Fine, do it. But I won’t be held responsible for any injuries

Lord knows I have enough on my hands already, thanks to you

 

**Me 4:48pm**

Plan Original is a go

Chowder is gonna meet with Alex to go to RRY

Tag along and keep him out of the Haus until at least 8 or you get the all clear

 

**Derek Nurse 4:49pm**

Chill!

 

**Caitlin Farmer 4:56pm**

Cool! Will do

 

**Eric Bittle 5:00pm**

DEX

WHAT DO I TELL CHOWDER

 

**Me 5:01pm**

Pretend you didn’t see it?

I have deployed Plan Original, btw

Tell him you’ve already started and gotten your arms deep in flour by the time you noticed

You can start now and I’ll be there in 15 mins and then it won’t be too big of a lie 

 

**Eric Bittle 5:06pm**

You are frighteningly good at this

Nursey said you might be a murderer and I was like

Everyone knows that if it’s gonna be anyone it’s gotta be Holster

But now I’m inclined to believe Nursey

He’s hung around you enough to notice, probably

 

**Me 5:12pm**

What do you mean Nursey thinks I’m a murderer??!

 

**Derek Nurse 5:49pm**

Plan Original has FAILED

Deploying Plan Seduction

 

**Caitlin Farmer 5:49pm**

You owe me big time for this

 

**Caitlin Farmer 5:54pm**

I can’t do this

He saw right through me

 

**Derek Nurse 5:54pm**

DEPLOYING PLAN SEDUCTION PART 2 

THAT BETTER BE THE MOST ORGASMIC CAKE IN THE WORLD

MY WILLINGNESS TO SACRIFICE FOR CHOWDER ONLY GOES SO FAR

 

**Caitlin Farmer 6:09pm**

This has been the most painful 15 minutes of our lives

I want to record this so bad

Chris is very confused, we’re struggling here

 

**Caitlin Farmer 6:23pm**

Apparently, Nursey and Alex have ‘opinions’ about Koreatown

I didn’t even know there was a Koreatown in Manhattan

 

**Caitlin Farmer 6:47pm**

I think you won’t need to worry about us coming back early

We’re gonna be out for a loooooong time

 

**Me 7:36pm**

I just saw these and I don’t want to know

We’re almost done, but it needs to chill in the fridge for a while

So we’re thinking of putting it all together tomorrow morning

You guys can start heading back now

 

**Caitlin Farmer 7:51pm**

It’s kinda eerie how much Alex behaves like you

No wonder Nursey is half smitten

Plan Seduction Part 2 is working quite well

We’re having dinner at a Korean grill/pub/street food restaurant near Boston

Alex and Nursey are going at it with the soju

Don’t worry, I’m DD

Chris is just enjoying the time with us

Keeps checking the time though

And he got like, a whole 30 eggs, some bones for stock, lots of noodles, sesame oil and green onion?

No idea what he was planning with that but seems like he really wants to use a kitchen

 

**Me 8:22pm**

Alex behaves like me and Nursey is smitten and they’re having soju?

What does that even mean? 

Do I even want to know

 

**Caitlin Farmer 9:01pm**

I’m just saying, make a move quick.

You snooze you lose

 

**Me 9:04pm**

I still don’t know what you’re talking about

 

**Me 7:04am**

Chowder is boiling all the eggs five at a time?

Please tell me you understand this

 

**Caitlin Farmer 7:16am**

Why are you texting me at 7 on a goddamn Saturday morning

 

**Me 7:17am**

Because! We’re supposed to finish icing the cake now

But I woke up early only to see Chowder already up

Boiling his eggs, five at a time!

This is going to take like over an hour!

Thank goodness we thought to put the cake and icing in the beer fridge in the basement

 

**Caitlin Farmer 7:32am**

Have you considered, I dunno, asking him what he’s doing?

 

**Me 7:35am**

Of course I have!

He just smiled his innocent goalie smile and said “breakfast!” and went back to what he was doing

30 eggs for breakfast?!?!

 

**Caitlin Farmer 7:44am**

Well what am I supposed to do?

Saunter over and deploy Plan Seduction Part 3?

 

**Me 7:46am**

Well, yeah I guess

I don’t know what you two get up to

But if you could get up to get him out of the Haus that would be great

 

**Caitlin Farmer 7:47am**

He was going to be there either way, how was this in the plan in the first place

 

**Me 7:48am**

He doesn’t usually wake up till past 9 on Saturdays, ok?

Just

I dunno, make a booty call

 

**Caitlin Farmer 7:49am**

Ugh, fine, but I have to change and shit

 

**Me 7:49am**

For being his girlfriend, you’re not the most excited for his birthday

 

**Caitlin Farmer 7:50am**

I AM. 

I’m taking him out to dinner so you guys could throw him his “Birthday Brunch”

 

**Me 7:53am**

I’m sorry for being testy

We didn’t account for Chowder having his own designs

 

**Me 8:04am**

Shit, he’s been making stock all this while and it’ll be another hour before it’s done

He wants to sit in the kitchen and baby it 

New plan, distract him to the front door while we bring the stuff out through the back and head over to your kitchen to finish

 

**Caitlin Farmer 8:36am**

I can’t believe that worked

btw where’s Nursey in all this?

 

**Me 8:43am**

Hungover and basically dead

 

**Me 9:15am**

Ok we’re done

How’s it going on your end

 

**Caitlin Farmer 9:16am**

Chris’ noodles are about done too

They’re pretty good

He’s sworn me to secrecy though, so I can’t tell you much

 

**Me 9:18am**

What’s that supposed to mean?

 

**Caitlin Farmer 9:19am**

You’ll find out soon enough [wink emoji]

 

**Chris Chow 9:30am**

Hey guys!!! I made breakfast for the team! Come to the Haus kitchen and I’ll fix you up with some traditional birthday noodles, because it’s my birthday! 

 

**Chris Chow 9:32am**

Also I know you and Bitty ran out the back with a cake while Cait was at the front

Nice try, and I love you 

Come eat my noodles and we can all have the cake too!

 

**Me 9:33am**

Goddamnit Chowder

**Author's Note:**

> Birthday noodles are a thing. At least in my family. I also had my roommates spring a surprise birthday cake on me that I was totally not expecting after every single person before me had a surprise birthday cake sprung on them. (That was me being sarcastic.) Chowder would have totally figured it out and was intentionally messing with them.
> 
> Also, the Nursey-thinks-Dex-is-a-murderer thing (comes with Bitty-thinks-Holster-is-a-murderer) comes from [SSHCB](https://supersecrethauscatblog.tumblr.com), which yall should go check out. It's hilarious.
> 
> Thank you for reading. Come yell at me on [tumblr](http://ohjustletmewriteinpeace.tumblr.com).


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